just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
