Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
