my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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