dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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