What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
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