is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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