I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Randomize
