Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
