$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
