pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
so much tequila, so little girl.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
