Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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