Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
