u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
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