new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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