I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
