bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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