Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
