even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
