Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
