Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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