I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
