Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
