Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
