id be glad to
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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