Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
