can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Randomize
