Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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