Cold hands, warm shart.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
