You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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