Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I think I am morally bankrupt
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Randomize
