my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
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