Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
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