I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
