New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
