Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
You're a waste of cheezeits
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
