Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
