Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
