I am spending my child support on dildos
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
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