fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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