i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Randomize
