first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
