I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
