Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
