Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize
