WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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