You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
