i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Randomize
