Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
