When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Randomize
