she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize