Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
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