Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Randomize
