Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
