you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
