i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Randomize
