This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Congratulations! We have a period
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
