Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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