What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
