I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Randomize
