i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Randomize
