Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
