I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
