I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
