She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
