I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
