blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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