Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
