saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Randomize
