what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize
