Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I cut my penus on the lid.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
