Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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