So is it bad that I'm using this 21 year old for his hot bod and utter naivety?
No its what 21 year olds are made for
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
