dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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