Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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