i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
