Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
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