I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
